Us vs. them thinking is needed because NYC and state have been run on the premise of special deals for special people, and screw everyone else. Not being one of the special people, I object. I'm for equality.
Equality could come in two forms.
The first is "you pay for yours, we'll pay for ours, and we'll cut out the middleman in Albany." I think a reinstated dedicated commuter tax is a great way to pay for suburban improvements, and a reinstated NYC resident income tax surcharged is a great way to pay for city improvements. No one can rip anyone off, and there is no need for you and I argue about who is getting a fair share of joint money.
The second is to simply pass out dollars per capita, or per person employed, and let localities decide what to do with it.
Either way, what happens to me doesn't depend on you, or vice versa. Equal money doesn't lead to equal results. Neither NYC or Nassau are worldbeaters with regard to getting more bang for the buck. But at least no one would be able to complain about anyone else.
My observation is that money flows to power, not to need. I'm not happy about being forced to throw my money in a big pot, then hope I get something out of it. That applies to federal money as well as state money.
If Long Island and NYC knew they would have to build their own improvements, instead of waiting around until they could make the other guy (and upstate NY) pay for it, perhaps they'd just start building.